The resident hideouslywrinkled.com Joss Whedon expert weighs in on The Avengers

The year was 1997. The grade was ninth. The school was West High. The person was me, Mark.

On March 10 of that year, a little show called Buffy the Vampire Slayer premiered on a worthless, little-watched network. And I loved it. Enough that I recommended it to EVERYONE I know despite the constant eye rolls of my friends, family and coworkers.

Things changed. We graduated. People went to liberal arts colleges and learned about things that maybe didn't help them get jobs (stereotypically) and maybe a few things that did help them get jobs. But they became more open-minded about important things. And as their intelligence and open-mindedness grew, they came to love Buffy and the so-called "Scoopy Gang." The same was a little true of Buffy's existential spin-off, Angel.

Years later, another show premiered that nobody watched or listen to my recommendations about. It was called Firefly.

Then the same thing happened much later with a show called Dollhouse. Actually, I didn't recommend it as much because it wasn't quite as well put together and took about seven episodes to find its legs. But still.

Also, Dr. Horrible. I can totally sing along to that.

And, with a few exceptions, this was the true history of what actually happened as far as I remember it.

Point is, I'm a Joss Whedon fan. I'm one of the few people who have watched, from beginning to end, the runs of all of his TV shows as they aired. I've also watched every movie he's directed. Which now stands at two. And I'll see the Shakespeare thing as soon as it's released.

Now, on to the actual meat of this post: The Avengers or, as I have called it, Iron Man 3: Iron Man and Friends.

Well, the reason I haven't written this post before is because I really don't have anything to say about it. I think it was incredibly well-written and was the strongest Disney's Marvel Studios films movie so far. That being said, the Marvel movies aren't exactly philosophical heavyweights. I enjoy them like crazy, but I never walk away pondering what it all means. Or even wanting to watch them again.

And this movie was the perfect combination of light Whedon-ism—Thor saying "he's adopted," Captain America getting the reference and Iron Man saying almost anything—with a heavy dose of the standard Marvel superhero storyline—emergence, set back, regrouping and victory. (The sequel formula is status quo, set back, enhancement and victory.)

The most important thing about The Avengers is that Joss Whedon should have earned the opportunity to do whatever he wants.

Kickstart my heart

Kickstarter is interesting. It's kind of a toothless microloan economy where you exchange a return for a preorder for a consumer good. I first heard about it through my new Twitter hero, Bryan Lee O'Malley. (You may know him from such classic Graphic Novels as Lost at Sea. Oh, and something or someone called Scott Pilgram.)

Politics and philosophy aside, I actually think that is one of its strengths now. Kickstarter gives talented designers an opportunity to fund and create a well-designed or unique product that may not otherwise have enough mainstream appeal for the average investor.

Basically, you decide to "fund" the project if you like. Depending on how much money you give, you'll get different reward tiers. Usually, the first tier is a preorder for the product. The lower, super expensive tiers... Well. You'll just have to find some highlights on your own.

Here are two products I'm thinking about right "funding" right now.

Pebble is an E-paper watch. Besides being a cool-looking watch, the Pebble ties in to your iPhone via Bluetooth and allows you to control music, view certain alerts and, potentially, do a lot of other cool things through apps. It could be mine in black for as little as $115, or in one of four colors for $125.

An odder project, that better exemplifies what makes Kickstarter cool, is the Berlin Boombox. It's a cardboard "Boombox" that you put together using a do-it-yourself kit. It's not a dock, really, because it uses a coaxial stereo cable. And it's like $60 to get an actual cardboard boombox, which is a lot for something that probably has $10–15 worth of components. ($5, strangely, gets you a "mixtape" by one of the creator's DJ friends.) But it looks pretty cool.

Famous spoilers (spoiler alert)

Gus dies
Dumbledore dies
Old Yeller dies
The red fern grows where the dogs are buried (Editor's note: Not Old Yeller)
Ripley dies, but she comes back to life
Harry dies, but he comes back to life
Gandalf dies, but he comes back to life
Scott Pilgrim dies, but he has an extra life
J.R. was shot, but he isn't dead because it's all a dream
In the last episode, Tony Soprano
The island is some sort of interfaith metaphor
Rosebud is a sleigh
Soylent Green is people
The Matrix isn't real but Neo is really Jesus virtually
The killer is the guy who hired him to find out who the killer is, except then he isn't because she wasn't actually murdered ever
The extra becomes famous and then he doesn't like it and he realizes he's a jerk
The guy in the Crying Game is really a guy
Michael Bluth, um, I don't know where to start
Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father, and a little kid
Dexter is a serial killer and then a bunch of stuff happens and then he sleeps with his sister who was his wife in real life but they're divorced now
Not everyone loves Raymond
Google doesn't really know where you are. It's just a series of computers, not a person. It doesn't "know" anything. It simply possess data and the programming to serve this data to those who request it.
The 1% doesn't care where you camp

Dear Amazon

Dear Amazon,

Thank you for your preorder price guarantee policy. It seems like a very pro-consumer policy and, with release day delivery, makes it very likely that I will always preorder game from you in the future.

Also, I understand why you'd want to email me to let me know that your nice, pro-consumer policy saved me money.

But, with all due respect, did you really need to email me know that I saved $0.03 on my Zelda preorder? Twice?

regards,
hideouslywrinkled

1,000!

My iPhone is making me stupid and so is yours

As much as I like my iPhone and my iPad, I'm convinced that it's ruining my brain. And everyone else's too.

I'm sure it's killing my brain to never be bored and to always be bored. I can't take an elevator ride from the first floor to the fourth without pulling the stupid thing out. I don't spend as much time daydreaming. Or focusing on one thought until I find my way to what I need to create, remember or change. The phone doesn't do anything to entertain or challenge me, and yet I use it constantly.

I'm also sure it's killing my brain to look up the answer to any question I can't remember. I'd guess memory is strengthened in some way by actually finding the right neuropathway. Rather than just bypassing it's way through short-term memory and not actively involving more than a few locations in my brain.

But that's just speculation. I guess I should ask Siri.

Two memories

In January 2004, I was in a wedding in the south.

Weddings are awkward anyway, so I remember trying to introduce myself to the locals who were in the wedding line.

One of them, who we gave a nasty nickname shortly after, blurted out, "We don't need to be all friendly and get to know each other." I found out later than she wasn't really a local. She lived in California.

In September 2007, I was in another wedding. There were more than a dozen people in the wedding line. (Though, less than two dozen. Losers.) The wedding was in California.

The wedding was more awkward than most. Everyone was extremely unfriendly. Again, I tried to introduce myself to the locals.

The locals, in this case, were all from the area. It was an extremely rich area, but only one of them actually came from any money. I would say were the rest worked or were from except for I don't have any idea.

They weren't very responsive to conversation or friendliness.

(Maybe it was the dark cloud that hung over that whole wedding. Maybe people from California suck in a very broad, sweeping way. Like the inane comments you'd hear during a Republican debate.)

One of the things I've most learned since High School. Talk to everyone you can. It makes everyone feel better.

The memories aren't happy ones. They are helpful ones.

So, about that blog

I’m now 30 years old.

I’m not upset about it. In fact, I’m mostly indifferent. 30 isn’t really that old, and it’s hard for it to even feel old when I’m constantly explaining that, no, I’m not 18. I’m 30.

I’ve been telling people I’m 30 for long enough that it’s impossible to have any kind of quiet, sad feelings that it may inspire in others.

Now for the twist of this post: I doubt I’ll be blogging much anymore. Although, thanks to Logan’s insistence, I won’t be deleting all of my old posts.

Why? Well, Logan wanted to keep a sort of historical record.

Oh, you mean about why won’t I be blogging at all or much anymore.

Honestly, it’s mostly about how I just don’t have much to say. Or, at least, I don’t have much to say that I think anyone on this blog would like to hear. (Long dissections of the structure and dramatic choices of popular movies and books just doesn’t keep people’s attention for long.)

This isn’t all bad news though. I’m happy to announce that we have a new writer joining hideouslywrinkled: Kristofer Ratchet. Kristofer (or just Tofer) is a friend from work that I think can be pretty funny and I'm sure you'd all laugh at him if you met him in real life.

He'll be filling the gaps with his thoughts on movies and TV and video games and music and Apple electronic devices — including those he's never seen, read, played, touched or heard. Probably never politics though. (Unless it's the politics of eating Arby's in a McDonald's world.)

The Blog-Ethicist: Machine Error in Your Favor, Part 2

You're pumping gas as a station and happen to hit the $75 pump limit, so you leave without a full tank. At the same gas station, your spouse is filling your other vehicle to the $75 limit. The credit card charge goes through like normal. But then, a few days later, your bank cancels one of the charges. Presumably because it thought that it was a duplicate charge.

Music in 2011, part 1

The most profound thing I can say about the new Death Cab for Cutie album, Codes and Keys, is actually a story.

I've been listening to the album all day at work. My job tends to be rather immediate and time sensitive. That means that there are people popping up and my desk and asking me to do things for them. When they show up, I'm a nice enough guy that I pause my music so that I can hear what they're saying.

So the pattern for my day is: Pause. Listen to a person. Unpause. Listen to music or a podcast and work.

Sometimes I forget to unpause.

So today, like I said, I've been listening to the new Death Cab. One of those times, I forgot to unpause.

Damn. I forgot to set the scene. So remember what I just said and imagine that, simultaneously (that means at the same time), in another room, the video guy is editing and looping license-free music. (If you've never had the joy of listening to license-free music, you're wrong. You have. You just didn't notice it.)

Anyway, I forget to unpause but I don't notice for like five minutes because I think that the license-free music is the new Death Cab.

The days of time and supposes

I would say that I never have any extra time, because that's what it feels like. But that isn't true. When I add everything up, I have plenty of free time.

The real problem is I like too many things.

I like movies. I like video games. I like TV shows. I like books. I like using Illustrator to create images. I like to spend time doing crazy things to photos and post the photos to Instagram. I like creating websites. I like learning new things. (There's more, but you get the picture.)

I also like people. I really like Rachel, and like to spend time with her. I like to go to restaurants and bars with friends. I also like my cats. Some days, I want to take a nap just so that my cats can take a nap with me. They enjoy it.

Then there are those other things that are responsibilities. Work takes up 40 or more hours a week, plus another three or so with my commute. Meetings, preaching and study take up another 10 or 12. Then, biological imperatives. Sleep. Eating. Grooming. Et cetera. That's a lot of time spent.

Which is why I could talk about how I failed at my attempt to write a novel in November and December. (I had created a very nice spreadsheet detailing my goal to write at least 1,250 words each day, for a total of about 60,000. Having a nice spreadsheet didn't actually help me do much.)

It isn't that I didn't want to write it. It's just that I didn't want to write it more than I wanted, or needed, to do any number of other things.

But then, now, I'm feeling like I should be writing. I should want to write more than those other things. (I spent a lot of money going to school for writing, after all.)

So what should I give up? I could easily write a book, or two, before I'm 30 by simply writing 750 words per day. That's three paragraphs. Less than I email some hours. And I'd guess it would be a 30–60 minute daily time commitment.

I should be able to do that. Should.

Three things I like about iPad 2

I could probably add a big tag to this entire post: Written on my iPad. But I won't. (Because that's terribly pretentious.)

I really like the thing. I didn't have any of that letdown/buyer's remorse you might expect when you buy something that's rather expensive that you'd been waiting on for months.

Here are the things I love about my new iPad:

1) I can write stories anywhere and, as long as I'm connected to my network, they'll automatically update my dropbox. (Thanks PlainText.)

2) Twitter, and Safari to a lesser extent, are amazingly seamless. Touch a tweet and you can immediately see the photo, video or web page referenced. 

3) I can download library books from anywhere. The associated reader software, OverDrive Media Console, isn't great, but it's still amazing to think that I can reap the benefits of my property taxes from anywhere with an Internet connection.

A list of calculations in days

10,797 — Days since birth
8,722 — Days since Rachel’s birth
8,582 — Approximate days since beginning Kindergarten
5,306 — Approximate days since beginning High School
3,925 — Approximate days since High School graduation
2,496 — Approximate days since University graduation
2,167 — Approximate days I’ve been a Mac owner
1,660 — Days since I withdrew from the University of Utah Creative Writing MFA program
1,557 — Days since my wedding
758 — Days I’ve been an iPhone owner
607 — Days I’ve been a homeowner
269 — Days until my 5th anniversary
143 — Days until my trip to Ireland
30 — Days until my trip to Portland
7 — Days until the next Halo map pack
3 — Days until I buy an iPad 2

Radiodread

I was going to write a post about why I don't care about the new Radiohead album, but I'm not going to.

That would be like writing a blog post about why you still don't like that Ex-girlfriend you broke up with four years ago. There's really nothing new to say, even though she commented on the baby photos your friend just posted on Facebook. She didn't even say anything stupid or offensive. It just reminded you for five passionate minutes about how you still don't like her.

That's how I feel about Radiohead.

The other day I was all fired up because the same band that people were hailing for striking out against traditional business models with a 99/1 variant was going to charge $14 for WAV files. (Not OGG or lossless, mind you, WAV.)

Or that the band that is loudly against nuclear power and high electricity consumption is still sticking to an online-only distribution model.

Or that the band that is so outspoken against consumption and consumerism in general is selling a disposable "collectible" version of the album to the hardcore fans for $50.

Yeah. Of course it still irritates you that your Ex would pull out her Esperanto at dinner parties to start conversations. Or how she couldn't take a joke and how she'd correct you when she knew you were being ironic.

But it's time to move on. And, anyway, your current favorite is a lot more interesting.

How not to get a job recommendation

I can count, on one hand, the people whom I have actively disliked.

Four total.
Three women, one man.
Three I worked with.
Two in the 90s, two in the 00s.
Two I’ll definitely never see again.
One was from a social connection.
One I can’t even remember their name. (Obviously, I’m not actively disliking all four. It’s just too hard to dislike people.)
One you’ve already heard about.

The most recent was a graphic designer at my last job. I disliked her for a number of reasons. Mostly because she is a passive-aggressive bitch, but a lot because she didn’t like me.

A couple weeks ago, she sent me this gem:

Hi Mark,

How is work going? I haven't talk to you in a while. I hope things are going well for you.

Well, I am on the job hunt, mostly because this world is corrupt. But it's time to move on and find a new environment with better opportunity anyway. Let me know if you hear of anything.

Worst thing is, the only thing I was interested in, the manufactured drama was completely glossed over. Oh well.

Usually I say something pithy and try to put some meaning on disliking people or how hard it is to do it for more than when you’re seeing them every day. Except I can’t remember why I wanted to post this. Please let me know if you can think of a good reason.

My collection of ironic kids jokes (so far)

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
That’s my cheese you son-of-a-bitch!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Pumpkin
Pumpkin who?
Pumpkin get out of my way, I’ve got to fart!
(My nephew actually made up this joke.)

Why is three afraid of four?
Because four five six!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Don't cry. It's only a joke! Why do you always take everything so seriously always. I swear to God. You know, like, if you’re Dad made your joke you’d just laugh. But with me, it’s like the end of the world or something. Or you’ll look at me like I’m saying the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard. I’ve got news for you. Your jokes aren’t always funny either. Sometimes you make me feel like I’m wasting my time even trying.

Jerry's Kids

The last five Jazz games have been, well, remarkable. Although I am one of the realists who will point out that you can't win a championship if you only play two quarters a game, I think it's great for a different reason: They are playing like a Jerry Sloan team.

During the Carlos Boozer era, the Jazz were not been known for being, to use Logan's favorite condescending adjective, scrappy. (Perhaps pugnacious is a better fit for the Stockton-Malone era Jazz.)

Instead you had players who missed games with phantom injuries. Players getting called out by Deron Williams for giving up in the playoffs because they had vacation plans over the summer. And a team that was psychologically smashed by the Lakers year after year, before they even had a chance to lose the games.

Instead we have a team that seemingly-perennial Jazz-supporter John Hollinger says has "once again established the never-say-die attitude that has made them among the league’s perennial overachievers."

That said, I'm sure Jerry Sloan isn't happy that Jazz have had to come back from double-digit deficits to win the last five. But in the words of the classic player-interview cliché: A win is a win.

The new plan

NaNoWriMo isn't really happening. Unsurprisingly, I've been very busy. (Also, I have wanted to play a lot of Halo: Reach.)

I wasn't expecting to get a Zombie virus... err... cold. Or the number of other little things that happened to distract me. (On the bright side, I did finally hit Captain in Reach.)

Rather than just throw my hands up in the air, I decided to drop the clever gimmick of NaNoWriMo and create a more workable schedule. A schedule from today until Dec. 31 that only demands 1,250 words per day. (Roughly two single-spaced, size 12 Times New Roman pages in Word 2004.)

So the schedule begins again today. That means I need to have 1,250 words written by the end of the day. And that I also have to play less Halo: Reach overall. (That's harder... the first map pack is coming Nov. 30. And I'm only 200,000 credits from earning my final achievement.)

The story, if you're curious, is about war, time travel and people with super powers. No zombies. No werewolves. No vampires. Some unrequited love.

nanowrimo isn't a word

I guess this is a cry for peer pressure.

I'm going to try NAtional NOvel WRIting MOnth this year. And a little push from my family and friends would help. I need to average 1,700-2,000 words a day. (Though I'm confident that, once I get going, I could overshoot that.)

Anyway. Day one. 1,300 words to go.

Schadenfreude, or Boooooooo!-zer, Boooooooo!-zer, Boooooooo!-zer

The Salt Lake Tribune is reporting that Carlos Boozer officially filed for divorce on Aug. 13, days after his eighth anniversary.

This news breaks days after word of his latest injury. You know the one. Where he broke his hand in a manner remarkably similar to what is commonly known as a boxer's fracture.

I'm not usually a conspiracy theorist. Boozer could have actually tripped over a bag and broken his hand because he was racing to answer the door. Rather than "the impact of a clenched fist... a hard, immovable object, such as a wall or a door."

But it isn't like he's known for being honest and truthful.