Cardboard and Plastic and Recycle

Dreams never end, but New Order will probably never reunite and that fabled 20-disc repackaging of every single the band released during its historic run will probably never materialize.

Instead we are stuck with Bad Lieutenant and Retro -- both of which satisfy no one.

Luckily, some internet philanthropists have taken it upon themselves to preserve and restore the out-of-print singles discographies of both Joy Division and New Order.

Even if you aren't an obsessive New Order fan such as myself, this is a wonderful excuse to revisit one of the best singles runs in music history.

For Your Consideration,

Deron Williams, for the NBA All-Star Game. Star player of the league's hottest team.

Public Service Announcement #2

I should have broadcast this a month ago, but I thought the answer was rather obvious:

Avatar is not worth your time or money. Unless Phantom Menace was your favorite movie of the 90s. Then by all means.

Once it surpasses Titanic, we shall know the most important political demographic of the 10s: furries.

Time of the Assassins

Assassin's Creed 2
Quite early in Assassin's Creed 2, you are given the liberty to scale the Basilica di Santa Maria del Fiore. Scale doesn't quite convey the magnificence of precariously perching atop one of the dome's crosses with a breathtaking panoramic view of Renaissance Florence. This little moment is astonishing and if Assassin's Creed 2 was nothing more than a climb tall buildings in Italy simulator, I would have happily paid $10, slapped the game with an A and eagerly awaited expansion packs that covered the rest of early modern Europe.

Unfortunately, Assassin's Creed 2 is not this game. It is a mainstream video game meaning you have to accomplish tasks and as it is a sandbox video game, none of those tasks is particularly fun or interesting.

Furthermore, the game is plagued by so many irritants, it is hard to imagine anyone bothered to beta test it for playability.

Let me enumerate my grievances:

1) Climbing is exhilarating -- until the game starts to enforce arbitrary time restrictions. Suddenly, the main villain of the game is exposed: the controls. Ezio's favorite move seems to be running up a wall and then jumping backwards 180°, usually plummeting to his death. Actually, you are lucky if Ezio's suicide attempts are successful because at least then you are able to start back from a checkpoint. Often, if you are just horrifically bruised by falling several stories, you are forced to start the tedious climbing sequence from the start. Nothing like fifth generation platform jumping to get your blood boiling. Even more galling: when you have the gorgeous backdrop of some of the world's most beautiful cities, why would you waste players' time by forcing them through nondescript dungeon environments?

2) The A.I. is atrocious. Most combat sequences can be overcome by tapping the same attack button repeatedly or if the enemy numbers are too great by simply jumping in water or climbing a tall building as the A.I. was not programmed to accomplish either of these simple feats. Sneak attack, run away, repeat. End of game.

Even in terms of ambience, the A.I. fails miserable. All of the cities in the game are populated by citizens that merely ambulate in non-sensical directions like digital cockroaches. This becomes painfully apparent on stealth missions in which you are forced to tail someone around town without being noticed. Since the game rarely has your prey look around for suspicious behavior, it merely sends wave after wave of clumsy citizenry with highly fragile merchandise in hopes that you accidentally bump into them causing a commission to scare away your target. Now, had this been seamlessly woven into the environment -- let's say through the hustle and bustle of the fishing docks -- it would be forgivable. Instead, as you pass through once deserted alleyways, four or five crate carrying denizens capricious run oblong routes right across your shadowing path. The game doesn't even bother to give them a sensible task or purpose; they are simply arbitrary obstacles to increase the requisite difficulty. Which brings me to my final point.

3) The Assassin's Creed franchise features the worst frame story conceivable. I can only imagine two rationales for such a contemptible plot:

One, the producers were unconvinced that teenage boys would have the ability to imagine themselves as a Renaissance Italian noble, so the game casts them as a Jersey Shore reject who is merely simulating the memories of a Renaissance Italian noble. It would almost be profoundly Platonic if it wasn't so shamelessly stupid.

Two, the producers wanted to create a sandbox game without any of the freedoms of an actual sandbox game. Thus, the framing device is merely there to justify vestigial game restrictions.

Gamer Q: Why can't I explore this portion of the city yet?
Developer A: Because we were too lazy to develop an internally logical explanation within the Italian portion of the game.

And finally because I never want you to waste your time playing this game, I am going to spoil the ending which even makes Dan Brown look like Umberto Eco: it was Earth all along. What a cazzeggiare.

Overall Grade: C+
Basilica di Santa Maria del Fiore Climbing Simulator Grade: A

Memorable Video Games, An Addendum

Unlike Mark, I did not own a console for the first nine years of the decade. And while I have been playing catch up, I cannot pretend to have the depth of knowledge to make any definitive list -- particularly, as my Nintendo fanboyism prevented me from recognizing a majority of the games released this decade.

I do want to contribute two humble suggestions to the video game canon, both salvages from one of the most maligned consoles of the decade: the GameCube.

Metroid Prime

Resident Evil 4

Jay Leno is a jerk

Overall, Letterman said it best: "I miss Johnny Carson. I mean, by God, when Johnny quit, he quit."

For those of you who don't know (likely that's none of you), Leno has managed to take The Tonight Show back from Conan O'Brien.

Jay Leno is now in the position to use a few of the same Judge Ito jokes he's been telling since the beginning of the O.J. Simpson trial to commemorate the 15th anniversary of the trial verdict.

This is the same Leno who also took The Tonight Show from Letterman way back when. And who has never spent a dime of the hosting money he earned over 17 years, but still wants more.

Personally, I dislike Leno for two reasons: 1) He isn't funny. He is as a stand-up. But, as a host, he's flattering, safe and centrist-leaning and relies too much on easy innuendo and broad populism. 2) He isn't nice. Despite having the reputation of a "nice guy" with his aging fan base, he's repeatedly shown that he's willing to do whatever he must to be #1 and to get the #1 job.

Really, though, none of this matters. The battle is fiery and important in pop culture circles. But you’ll have a hard time finding anyone who watches any talk show (myself included). The only person I know who consistently watches a talk show is my Mom. And she likes Jay Leno.

Talk shows are stupid. Even the good shows are relatively uninteresting commercials where celebrities show try to sell their movies, CDs, TV shows or books. Talk shows are basically the Home Shopping Network with a few minutes of quickly thrown together stand-up and random, occasionally funny sketches.

And they’re an anachronism. They made sense when there were only three networks but don’t in a world with 100s of channels and 24-hour cycles. Especially when John Stewart and Stephen Colbert are stealing most of the young, affluent viewers.

So what’s the moral of the story? Two things: 1) Jay Leno is a jerk. 2) Nobody cares.

Brown Stain

In a way I'm kind of excited about Scott Brown's victory last night. Obama and the sitting legislature could use a wakeup call. To a large extent I agree with Glenn Greenwald's analysis of what the defeat "means" for democrats (NYTimes link 10:10am.)

"The notion that Obama’s policies are too “liberal” for the country is simply absurd, given that these are exactly the policies on which he successfully campaigned. But the central pledge of the Obama candidacy, beyond any specific issues, was his vow to change the way Washington works. It is his failure to do that which has become the party’s greatest liability."

But that aside, wtf with Scott Brown's acceptance speech? "My daughters are both available! I mean, uhh, just kidding. Really though, the tall one is. Plus she can sing!" I can't really think of the appropriate reaction. . . maybe "Eww." . . . maybe "What a douche." . . . I dunno. I think I'd give him the benefit of the doubt except that his daughter says he previously offered to sell her to one of Mitt Romney's sons. Apparently he was excited by the prospect of her "convert[ing] to a Mormon!"

I realize Brown was trying to make jokes, but to me that's more than a tinge offensive to my internal feminist. Couple that with the way he grinned at a supporter's suggestion to "Shove a curling iron up [Martha Coakley's] butt" at a rally, and I start to get a negative idea about the guy's views on women.

Back to my happiness though, how can the election of this jackass be a positive event? Well, in a vacuum it's not, but if our current set of elected officials can get it through their heads that we actually did want change when we voted for change, then that could be a good thing. I'd be ecstatic. But I'm not holding my breath.

The 14 most memorable video games of the decade (2000-2009)

A lot can happen in a decade. It can be a terrible decade. Or, depending entirely on your outlook and the scope of your examination, a pretty good decade.

In the year 2000, I was a High School Senior. 10 years later, I’ve worked four years at a job I didn’t really like. Started and finished College. Worked four years at another job I didn’t really like. Started, finished 60% and decided that graduate school wasn’t for me. Met, courted and married a lovely girl. Welcomed two nieces into my family, then two nephews and a niece, then a nephew, then a niece. Moved about six times before finally buying a condo. Worked 1.5 years at a job I like.

But there are those consistencies. While I may not play many games these days, I still manage to buy every console, every console cycle. (In fact, with the exception of the Sega Genesis and Sega Saturn, I have owned every major console since what Wikipedia calls the 4th generation of video game consoles. Quite the accomplishment, I know.)

Still, no decade is complete without a best of list. And this last decade, in particular, was extremely significant for the history of games. So, in order by date, here are the games of the aughts that had the most impact on me.
Read more »

2009 is Dead, Long Live 2009

The best albums that didn't make my top ten.

Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavillion
Dirty Projectors - Bitte Orca
Amadou & Mariam - Welcome to Mali
Phoenix - Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
Japandroids - Post Nothing
Why? - Eskimo Snow
Jay-Z - The Blueprint 3

10. The Bronx - Mariachi El Bronx

Quinceniera - Mariachi El Bron...

Hardcore punk band does mariachi. Wait, punk mariachi? Sounds awful. No, random italicized voice, real mariachi. And it sounds awesome. No holds barred, no irony, just some talented musicians showing they aren't as limited as they sound on all three of their eponymous albums. (Nothing against hardcore punk, it's just, where do you go with it?) Frontman Matt Caughthran displays a surprising depth to his vocals, there are many moments on the album where he simply shines. As far as mariachi goes this album doesn't seem to be breaking any ground, it sounds pretty much like I would expect a mariachi album to sound, except with mostly English lyrics. The unexpected thing is that I kind of like mariachi, especially with the energy El Bronx brings.

9. Heartless Bastards - The Mountain

Hold Your Head High - Heartles...

The Heartless Bastards remind me (and many others) of the Black Keys. That's a good thing. Their songs might not be quite as catchy, but they're more inventive. Frontwoman Erika Wennerstrom is the only remaining member of the band that released its last album in '06. The latest incarnation is an improvement, Wennerstrom's versatile vocals are justly highlighted by raw, elemental, blues/folk/rock. The Mountain is at different times nostalgic, uplifting and sad, the album holds it all together nicely.

8. The Grouch & Eligh - Say G & E!

Comin' Up (feat. Mistah F.A.B....

Rap that's relevant, fun, and melodic. What more do you want? A collaboration between Eligh and his folk singer mom? Got that too. These guys are to 2009 what Jurassic 5 were to 2000. Okay, maybe not, but they're the closest we've got. I'll take it. Say G & E! is the Grouch and Eligh's third collaborative album, and rather than growing complacent the way a lot of collaborative combos seem to do they've gotten better with each effort.

7. Bike For Three! - More Heart than Brains

Lazarus Phenomenon - Bike For ...

Bike For Three is a Postal Service type collaboration between Canadian rapper Rich Terfry, aka Buck 65 (sounds like a porn name) and Belgian electro artist/producer Joëlle Phuong Minh Lê, aka Greetings from Tuskan. The two artists have never met. From what I understand Lê would produce a sort of rudimentary beat, send it off to Terfry who would lay down some vocals and send it back where Lê would finish it up. The results are a little bit ethereal, sad, and really good.

6. We Were Promised Jetpacks - These Four Walls

It's Thunder And It's Lightnin...

Is this debut from We Were Promised Jetpacks really the best indie rock album of the year? Better than critical darlings Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix and Merriweather Post Pavillion? In a word, yeah. And what has happened to indie rock when my favorite indie rock album is only my sixth favorite album overall? (Or what has happened to my music tastes?) I talked a little about We Were Promised Jetpacks when I saw them in concert a couple months ago. They rock hard and they rock hard well. They also rock soft, and rock soft well. This is what emo would sound like if emo were good.

5. Mos Def - The Ecstatic

Quiet Dog - Mos Def

I went over the Mos Def album earlier this year when it came out. Its goodness hasn't really faded, if anything my appreciation of it has increased over the last 6 months. Never did see that movie with Donald Faison though.

4. Brother Ali - Us

Breakin' Dawn - Brother Ali

I've resisted Brother Ali in the past, I had a hard time getting into the lyrics, and he seemed a little too fixated on being a better MC than everyone else. But this year, after listening to his solid EP The Truth is Here, released in March, I grabbed US with eagerness, but without many expectations. I was pleasantly surprised. The Truth is Here was fun, but US is relatively mature and far reaching album. For all the MC talk about being real (one of the most played out themes in all of rap), here is one who actually feels real, which is a real credit to a guy who could easily fall back on a lot of gimmicks; white guy who grew up most comfortable around black people, albino, legally blind. . . I could see the themes getting a little stale, in fact they seemed that way on all of Ali's albums until this year. I guess props to Brother Ali for getting it real and getting it fresh.

3. The Avett Brothers. - I & Love & You

Laundry Room - The Avett Broth...

Let me start off my comments by saying that I & Love & You is probably the worst Avett Brothers album ever. Let me also say that the Avett Brothers are the band of the decade, well at least the second half of the decade. Producer Rick Rubin did a lot to sanitize the Avett Brothers sound, and the quality that survived is, in my opinion, an enormous testament to their song writing abilities. The lyrics retain the raw expressive characteristics that I love from previous Avett Brothers albums, but the music lost much of it. Of course the album ended up garnering a lot of praise from critics whose opinions will sell more albums than mine, so maybe I should get used to the new Avett Brothers, and this album was really only a disappointment because my expectations were impossibly high. And "Laundry Room" is probably the best song of the year, and the album did make the #3 spot, I probably shouldn't be so hard on the boys.

2. James Blackshaw - The Glass Bead Game

Infinite Circle - James Blacks...

note: lala doesn't have The Glass Bead Game, Infinite Circle is from last year's Litany of Echoes. Sorry.

Like Esperanza Spalding before him James Blackshaw gracefully slides from outside my normal genre tastes into the number two position on my yearly countdown. I am also, apparently, a sucker for punk rockers gone acoustic. (See The Avett Brothers, The Bronx) The Glass Bead Game is probably best described as chamber music, but that sounds so dull and 19th century to me, it belies the innovation at the core. Of course that contradiction is probably of my own invention and due to my ignorance of new classical music, I mean, the album is really mostly chamber music with a couple guitar solos mixed in. And when I say guitar solos I'm not talking about the kind Ian shreds on Rock Band 2. Blackshaw can play a twelve-string in ways I had no idea were even possible. I lack the vocabulary and sophistication to describe it well, but it is amazing how a single instrument can swirl around and envelop a person the way Blackshaw's guitar does. The lushness of his composition is simply amazing. For certain songs the Glass Bead Game, Blackshaw shifts from guitar to piano. His skillz on the piano are underdeveloped in comparison to his mastery of the guitar, but I, for one find the development itself fascinating.

1. Solillaquists of Sound - No More Heroes

New Sheriff In Town - Solillaq...

I'm not sure what serendipity led me to this album. I couldn't remember how I heard about it and when I tried to trace my footsteps I hit dead-ends on every avenue I could think of. No entry on metacritic, or pitchfork, or even cokemachineglow, the group doesn't even have a wikipedia page, so how the hell did it end up in my itunes? Regardless of No More Heroes' enigmatic origins I am grateful for its appearance. Once it arrived it dominated my headphones and speakers for months. A persistent notion that hip-hop is dead has permeated the reviews of many hip-hop and rap albums this year, I've always considered it ridiculous, but this album confirms it. Hip-hop is alive and kicking ass. I defy anyone who listens to the way DiViNCi blends his beats and samples with Swamburger's urgent rhyming and the jazz inspired vocals of Alexandrah and Tonya Combs to contend otherwise. A dark horse maybe, but who wants a light horse anyway (I mean besides Harry Reid), No More Heroes is easily my favorite album of 2009. Honestly, it's kind of a big drop off from here to #2.

A Decade of Tintinnabulation

Best Opening Bands I Had Never Listened To Prior To The Concert:

1. Ssion, for Fischerspooner
2. IMA Robot, for Hot Hot Heat
3. Datarock, for Ladytron
4. The Presets, for Ladytron
5. Sahara Hotnights, for the Hives

Concert Which Unsurprisingly Ruined My Hearing Forever:

Psychic Dins/Serena Maneesh, Empty Bottle, Portland, 12 March 2006

Concert Which Surprisingly Ruined My Hearing Forever:

Atlas Sound/Broadcast, Doug Fir, Portland, 1 November 2009

Concerts I Have Walked Out On:

Sufjan Stevens, Lo-fi Cafe, Salt Lake City, 28 July 2005
Spiritualized, Berbati's Pan, Portland, 15 September 2008

Band Seen The Most Times:

Tie: Subtle, Junior Boys, Ladytron (5 Times)

Best MEGALinesups:

Thanksgiving/Vetiver/Joanna Newsom/Devandra Banhart, Kilby Court, Salt Lake City, 7 June 2004
Mogwai/Rapture/Interpol/Cure, USANA Amphitheater, Salt Lake City, 18 August 2004
Immaculate Machine/Destroyer/The New Pornographers, 20 October 2005

Most Miles Travelled To See A Concert:

2,895 for Gas, Miller Theater, New York, 29 May 2009

Times Taken Down At A Concert:

Still only once. And still embarrassingly at Jimmy Eat World, Arena, Madrid, 31 January 2002

Band With the Douchiest Fan Base:

My Morning Jacket (Radiohead comes in at a close second, but its mediated in my mind by the following)

Most Money Made Off A Resale Ticket:

9x Face Value, Radiohead

Best Awesomely Soporific Ambient Show:

Stars of the Lid, Holocene, Portland, 17 April 2008

10 Best Concerts of the Decade:

10. !!!, Doug Fir, Portland, 29 August 2008
9. The Go! Team, Metro, Chicago, 29 October 2005
8. Subtle, Abbey Pub, Chicago, 15 April 2006
7. Ladytron, The Metro, Chicago, 21 April 2006
6. Gui Boratto, Holocene, Portland, 24 January 2008
5. Junior Boys, Doug Fir, Portland, 24 April 2007
4. Björk, Sasquatch Music Festival, George, 26 May 2007
3. Basement Jaxx, Hollywood Bowl, Los Angeles, 17 July 2005
2. The Rapture, Empire Ballroom, Las Vegas, 17 November 2006
1. Blur, Mandalay Bay, Las Vegas, June 12, 2003

LOGANMIX2009: Don't Look Back

2009 was the year of the front-loaded indie album. And, um, chillwave.

In regards to the former: a majority of the critically acclaimed albums this year were crushingly disappointing. Not due to overwhelming hype, but on account of the unreachable expectations set by astonishing singles set at the two-spot (Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Fever Ray, Phoenix, Grizzly Bear, Animal Collective are all guilty of this crime). "Two Weeks" is NPR catnip, but the rest of the album is a bore. Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix would have been the perfect record had it ended after track "1901."

As for the later: I think it is reasonable to say that I keep fairly abreast of the various musical trends from year to year, but by the time I had heard of the genre chillwave, it had already been permanently submerged by a backlash of monstrous proportions. Consider it the "Clap Your Hands Say Yeah" of 2009: another signpost of the internet's exponentially growing autophobia.

As for me, I will keep on dishing out amuse-bouches of stale electroclash and minimal techno.

It may be strange and a little bit frightening, an acquired taste but very enlightening. A hint of this and a drop of that, lick your lips and don’t look back:

1. Amuse Bouche - Fischerspooner [Entertainment]
2. 1901 - Phoenix [Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix]
3. Hazel (Radio Edit) - Junior Boys [Hazel Single]
4. Raindrops - Basement Jaxx [Scars]
5. One Day - The Juan Maclean [The Future Will Come]
6. Heads Will Roll - Yeah Yeah Yeahs [It's Blitz]
7. This Must Be It - Röyksopp [Junior]
8. Songs Remind Me Of You - Annie [Don't Stop]
9. Leave It - The Field [Yesterday and Today]
10. Sleep Alone - Bat For Lashes [Two Suns]
11. Growls Garden - Clark [Totems Flare]
12. Infinity - The XX [The XX]
13. Graven Wood - The Clientele [Bonfires on the Heath]
14. Quick Canal (feat. Laetitia Sadier) - Atlas Sound [Logos]
15. Stay Alive - The Pains of Being Pure At Heart [The Pains of Being Pure At Heart]
16. All of My Days and All of My Days Off - A.C. Newman [Get Guilty]

Happy New Years Everybody!