The Order of Things

As someone who is more qualitative than quantitative (why, oh god why, am I in the social sciences?), I find it odd that I so cherish best of the year lists. Critics seem to respond to these lists with the same skeptical (and suspicious) enjoyment. Every list is punctuated with numerous disclaimers, buttressed by similar prefaces distancing them from the artless practice of averaging and listing.

Beyond their obvious function of informing us of things we might have missed, lists, it seems, have a curious bonding function. In the purportedly subjective realm of art these rankings acknowledge a latent bedrock of standards among critics, providing a unified field of assessment while simultaneously recognizing our personal and idiosyncratic criterion. Metacritic assumes as much with its Galton-like series of averaging and tabulation.

I offer my own lists of the year for both myself - to help set my own arbitrary order to my opinions - and for you, so that you might gain a further, albeit vague and diaphanous, apprehension of myself (if you believe that what we like embodies part of our character - and I do, but then again, I am shallow).

And hell. As I mentioned before, because I secretly adore them.

Hopefully you do too.

Favorite Albums of 2005

1. The New Pornographers - Twin Cinema
2. The Decemberists - Picaresque
3. My Morning Jacket - Z
4. Kaiser Chiefs - Employment
5. Kate Bush - Aeriel
6. Ladytron - The Witching Hour
7. Sleater-Kinney - The Woods
8. M.I.A. - Arular
9. Sufjan Stevens - Illinois
10. M83 - Before the Dawn Heals Us

Ten Honorable Mentions (for CDs that couldn't make the list for some reason or another):

Annie - DJ Kicks
Basement Jaxx - The Singles
Bloc Party - Silent Alarm Remixed
Cirque Du Soleil - Delirium/Solarium
Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine (Jon Brion Version)
The Go! Team - Thunder, Lightning, Strike (American Version)
Goldfrapp - Supernature
Iron & Wine - Woman King EP
Kraftwerk - Minimum-Maximum
Kronos Quartet & Asha Bhosle - You've Stolen My Heart: Songs From RD Burman's Bollywood

Favorite Movies of 2005

1. Capote
2. Sin City
3. Batman Begins
4. Constant Gardener
5. Good Night, and Good Luck.
6. Grizzly Man
7. Junebug
8. A History of Violence
9. Munich
10. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

[Although it should be noted that this list is subject to change over the next couple of weeks due to Utah being severely ass-backwards and not releasing movies such as Brokeback Mountain]

Honorable Mention for a film that was released in 2004, but contained the best scene I saw all year: The Opening Balloon Sequence in Enduring Love.


And because 2005 supplied me with plenty of bile for my choleric personality, the worst films of the year - all of them shitstorms of the most Titantic proportions:

1. War of the Worlds
2. Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith
3. King Kong

A combined budget of over $442 million dollars. Way to go boys!

And judging by the trailer I saw before King Kong, 2006 - to use Dan Brown's favorite literary device - is going to be like a boot stamping on a human face--for ever!

Happy New Years!

Pattern Recognition

“Homosexuality caused the fall of the Roman Empire.”

Like a sinister anachronism or a quaint oddity from a Victorian indecency trial, my English teacher’s comment seemed inappropriate for civilized discourse, let alone the high school classroom. Then again, this was Utah, a state cloistered in the Rocky Mountains, shielded from the passage of time and the ingress of any concept of political correctness.

Rumors had circulated among the attendees of an AP English conference that the poet Walt Whitman was going to be featured prominently in one of the test's essay questions. My teacher, citing the prior mentioned (and dubious) historical claim, refused to teach the poetry of an alleged homosexual.

After a small pause, suggesting a moment or two of reflection, she repeated, “Homosexuality caused the fall of the Roman Empire.”

Her statement hung lifelessly in the air like one of the many quotations that adorned the classroom walls - except far less inspiring.

One such poster, presumably created to encourage critical reflection on the past, portrayed the famous (and mangled) Santayana quote, which now seemed to perversely undergird her argument: “Those who fail to learn from the past are condemned to repeat it.”

You probably should have given up on The OC ages ago...

You probably should have given up on The OC ages ago.

Midseason TV Roundup, Part Trois

Mark, only a reactionary ass such as yourself could oppose a thorough critique of Lost. My personality profile is not at issue here, any more than is your inability to achieve orgasm. If you spent more time reading and less time scouring the valley for copies of Animal Crossing, you could plainly see that I never claimed Carrell was better than Gervais, merely playing a more sympathetic character. Furthermore, only a paranoid schizophrenic would ever contend that Earl and AD shared numerous thematic elements - my usage of the term 'blueprint' denoted the stylistic similarities between the shows. And I trust your sycophantic worship of the NPH will not forever blind you to how insipid and sterile How I Met Your Mother truly is.

Ahem. Now on to more important matters...

The O.C.: Can we recount what has happened this season, what plot-arcs the writers found interesting enough to commit to paper, let alone film? A diabolical (and pedophiliac) dean with no motivation but to spend his every waking hour trying to destroy the lives of Marisa and Ryan. After getting kicked out of Harbor, Ryan threatens to work on a traveling, seafaring boat. A scheming Seven of Nine attempts to con Kristen, than Julie, out of their non-existent wealth. Marisa befriends a surfer while sabotaging her own relationship all because they have 'stuff in common' and 'he gets her' on account of his family troubles (um Marisa, hello? paging Ryan, the king of familial trauma: remember when his mom abandoned him and his brother tried to rape you?)

I probably should have given up on the OC ages ago, but they keep managing to fit in enough ridiculously magical/charming moments (aka. the Spiderman kiss) to keep me hooked. The show has long since cast aside the surprising complexities of its 'Rebel Without a Cause' origins, in favor of lazy, manichean storytelling. The show's first, and most damaging, miscalculation was marginalizing the ever-hateable, but always compelling Luke in favor of the tedious trainwreck that was Oliver Trask. Having Zack mysteriously abscond himself has done the show no favors (although Jimmy and Caleb suffered worse fates, and I am waiting for Johnny and Taylor to abruptly fly off to live with out-of-state relatives). The college subplot is interesting as it finally grounds the characters back to their high school and it will be interesting to see how the show survives the immense challenge of shifting into the post-high school years (does anyone actually believe that any of the characters will be moving to Rhode Island? The RI does not have the same ring).

Midseason Television Roundup, Counterpoint

Logan, you ignorant slut. Maybe if you spent more time watching television and less time engaging in autoerotic self abuse you’d be able to piece together a logical argument about the merits of the long form narrative that is an American network series.

My Name Is Earl: Your right about one thing… Earl does share a few things with Arrested Development. But very few. Aside from the single camera format, I honestly don’t see many thematic similarities between the two shows. Whereas Arrested Development revels in mocking a group of awful narcissists, Earl revels in an endearing use of its imperfect characters attempts to better the world around them. And it STILL manages to be funny. Darnell, the Crab Man, is great. But equally so are Catalina, Ricky and Joy. And Earl is just so Jason Lee likeable, it’s the perfect role for the man who has been miscast before in crap like Stealing Harvard. This is easily my favorite new show of the year and it will be a perfect fit on Thursday night.

The Office: So Logan, you’re finally coming around. The Office has been better than its British counterpart for most of this season. I like Martin Freeman as Tim, but I find John Krasinski’s Jim to be slightly more… well… American. (Although you’re wrong about Carrell… he’ll never be able to match Gervais, whose new podcast is brilliant.) Then there’s Dwight. Rainn Wilson’s Dwight is one of my favorite characters of all time. And he feels unique to the point where I have never ever thought about comparing him to Gareth. What I don’t like so much about The Office. It’s too mean spirited at times. The Halloween episode was a good example of how nice and real it can be. Likewise was the Party episode. Where Michael shamelessly crashes Jim’s party, and Jim responds by helping Michael save face after a dying, embarrassing Karaoke incident. But these subtle, charming moments are hidden amongst that “real” restrained viciousness of the show’s depiction of the American workplace.

Arrested Development: I’ve come round. I think Arrested Development peaked in season one. Season three has had a few good moments, but the show is so nasty and cruel now. I don’t blame the cast or the writers. If my boss threatened to fire me continuously for three years, I’d end up negative too. But that doesn’t mean I like it. My favorite moment of this season was last Monday’s episode where Buster taught everyone a lesson about teaching lessons using the disabilities of others. Now, if only Arrested Development could apply that lesson to its (mis)treatment of the Bluths it might not feel like it’s talking down to it’s audience.

Lost: Logan, you’re too critical of Lost. I think you should try to remind yourself that it’s basically just a dramatic version of Gilligan’s Island. Honestly, as much as I like Lost, I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about it. Not anymore. The show sets its own rules for how the narrative will proceed and the creators clearly aren’t worried about how the audience will react. I sort of feel, anymore, like I should just go with Lost’s flow and enjoy what I can. Otherwise, I’ll be lost myself. (That’s my NPR moment for this entry.) As for Shannon’s death: I thought that was one of the best moments of the show. She was such a cliché character anyway. The poor little rich girl. Big whoop. I wanted her killed last season.

The shows you entirely ignorantly ignored:

How I Met Your Mother: It has the funniest supporting cast on television… after Earl (of course). Sure, it suffers from a poignancy problem (as in too many moments that it tries to make “profoundly moving, touching”). But it’s still worth watching if only for Doogie’s scene-stealing brilliance.

Two-and-a-Half Men: There’s something appealing about a show that has no qualms about using unredeemable yet self aware characters for laughs. Then too I love the way that no show ever resolves anything. Yeah, I know I just criticized Arrested Development for doing the same thing, but there’s a major difference. Men NEVER tries to be anything more than a shallow, mean-spirited comedy. It doesn’t want to mean anything.

Midseason TV Roundup, Part Deux

My Name Is Earl: Arrested Development is (was I guess now) my favorite show on television, but My Name is Earl has emulated the same blueprint with less acridity and the result is far more endearing. Jason Lee is exceptionally charming in the titular role and his world is fully realized with amiable, offbeat characters. I think Darnell (aka the 'Crab Man') exemplifies the sublimely affable nature of the show. Even when delivering poison cookies, he never loses his pleasant demeanor. This show is so good, I wouldn't mind if they rode the concept (righting a wrong off Earl's list of bad deeds each episode) for the rest of the series.

The Office: I recently noticed that Paul Feig directed a few episodes of The Office, which I find quite fitting as it has taken over the mantle of the painfully funny Drama-Comedy (Dramedy?) best exemplified by Freaks and Geeks. The formula is so precarious, yet the Office is capturing it perfecty right now. This may be heresy, but I think it may even be better than the British version. Ricky Gervais (and Martin Freeman) cannot be outshined, but Steve Carrell's portrayal is considerably more sympathetic which makes the show, as a whole, substantially stronger. In particular, the ending scene of the Halloween episode - a defeated Michael Scott, delightedly handing out candy to neighborhood kids - was beautifully muted and restrained. The American variant of the Office goes on the official list of things that are far better than they ever deserved to be.

Midseason TV Roundup, Part Un

Arrested Development: As I noted earlier, the rumors of Arrested Development's move to Showtime seems to be a winning scenario for everyone involved. DVD sales have always been the show's strong suit and the switch to a cable network would ensure that ratings would not scuttle another season. Showtime is still struggling to create a lineup that can effectively compete with HBO's dominance and Arrested Development could shepherd in quite a few converts. Fox seems reluctant to officially terminate the show, but after the network preempted the series for repeats of Prison Break, I imagine Grazer and company are going to be looking elsewhere after another season is abruptly ended. NBC would also be wise to try to nab the show (although I do not know how likely Fox would be willing to give the show to a rival network), as The Office, My Name Is Earl, AD, and Scrubs would make a devastating 'must see' night of comedy.

Lost: Lost has spread itself far too thin. Characters disappeared for entire episodes or, in Desmond's case, for an indefinite amount of time (where was he running to anyway?). The consolidation of the various groups at the end of the last couple of episodes should rectify most of the growing pains, but the season started off awfully shaky. I want to deal, however, primarily with the death of Shannon. I know Boone and Shannon were never very popular, but both of their death's were unnecessary and meaningless. The co-creator, Damon Lindelof, commented that the writers were eventually going to run out of flashbacks for the siblings - a terrible justification as they would have had four, maybe five, at current pace and Lost has shown itself to be excessively willing to rehash scenes. In another interview, Lindelof remarked that they needed to kill characters to maintain tension and suspense, yet as Boone and Shannon's respective deaths were both arbitrary and accidental, they did not sustain any sense of danger. Charlie's 'death' was far more powerful and menacing as it was a direct result of characters challenging the ultimatum of Ethan, and thus the island. Even Shannon's earlier 'death,' as contrived as it was, inspired more terror and emotion. Worst of all, her funeral entirely undermined Sayid's back-story: are we to believe that he 'loved' Shannon, after he spent years searching for Nadia - a quest which saw him kill a superior officer, endure a self-inflicted gunshot wound, and convince a dear friend to become a suicide bomber? Lost has shown itself unable to effectively deal with the monumental task of killing a marginal, let alone main character.

Another reason to hate the Yankees...

Or maybe not. After all... you invite a serial killer to your house, you run the risk of said serial killer killing you. Kind of the same with the Yankees. They just do what they do. That's all...

But... Johnny Damon... Oh Johnny. Why Johnny? Why?

A Question of Lust/Time

Coachella speculation began in earnest earlier in the week, when Dave Gahan let it slip that Depeche Mode would be co-headlining the festival. I was quite surprised to discover that despite the amazing caliber of acts Goldenvoice has brought to Indio, California (Bjork, Radiohead, the Pixies, the White Stripes, the Chemical Brothers, Oasis, the Flaming Lips, Iggy & the Stooges, the Red Hot Chili Peppers), Depeche Mode is the 'biggest' act they have managed to land in terms of sales. Arguably, Depeche Mode has been around for longer - but still, I was shocked.

Numerous 'wish lists' are currently circulating the internet, but the official line-up will not be released until February. Even so, I think it is safe to speculate that The Strokes, Roxy Music, Ladytron, Massive Attack, Primal Scream, Underworld, Pet Shop Boys, Mogwai, Beth Orton, and Belle and Sebastian will be on the Polo Fields come April due to their early 2006 release dates.

I hope to be able to make it to California again this year, but it will be a question more of time and money than of desire. Although Elizabeth Fraser and Jimi Goodwin owe me eighty dollars each for bailing and making me sit through Jeff Tweedy and Rivers Cuomo.

Counterpoint

Mark, you ignorant slut.

With that sheepish fawning you would have been better suited waiting in line for The All-American Rejects. For a band with a relatively decent back catalogue, The Dandy Warhols sure deluded their set list with plenty of dross off their new album. One song, in particular, was interminably long.

Actually, on the whole, I was pleasantly surprised with the Dandy's performance. They were absolutely atrocious when I saw them perform live on MTV while I was in Europe (sidenote: Supertramp and A-ha are also inexplicably still popular in Europe), so I was amazed when Courtney Taylor-Taylor hit as many notes as he did.

Although I am bitter that they wholly ignored 'Welcome to the Monkey House' and completely eviscerated (de-80ized?) the ones they did play.

For those of you who missed the Dandys (not really that much of a loss), there is a decent bootleg of their current tour floating around the internet. You may want to snap that one up fast as there is no telling how long the link will be active.

“I’ve been thinking about nothing, but doing nothing but thinking”

I’ve never been to that club part of In The Venue before. Aside from the rather awkward pillar-placement, it was the perfect place to see The Dandy Warhols. (It was actually amazing considering I’ve read recently that the Dandys play huge venues in Europe and Australia.)

The opening band was awful… some folks called The Out Crowd. (Dont' be fooled by the picture... the hot redhed wasn't there and the chubby guy in the background was front and center.)

Also awful, two of the awful new songs from the Dandys’ awful new album that were played for an awfully long time.

Otherwise, it was great.

Rachel and I were able to get kick butt “seats” on the bar.

The Dandys played all of my favorite songs... including my all-time favorite I Love You.

All in all... it was good. And it restored my faith that the Dandys will eventually get back to creating brilliant, upbeat and pop-friendly masterpieces.

Or at least get back the greatness of lines like: "Super cool, Dandys rule okay."

(Logan was also there… I’m sure he’ll have a similar opinion.)

In case you missed it...

The U.S. drew a tough group (Group E) with Italy, Czech Republic and Ghana.

Overall the group includes 3 of the top 12 international teams. Including the number three team (Czech Republic) and the number twelve team (Italy). The U.S. is currently ranked eight.

And Ghana has already been singled out by one ESPN analyst as the potential breakout team of the World Cup.

Let's just hope Donovan has his game on.

Age of Consent

New Order + Sofia Coppola = ♥

The elephant

There is a serious problem in the world today.

So serious that neither Logan nor I have had the confidence or emotional stability to talk about it on this blog since we first heard...

After a mere 53 22-minute episodes, Arrested Development will cease to exist.

Arrested Development
2003-2006

Titular Decadence

Today I reached the apogee of academic affectation with my extravagant seminar paper - a comparative study of historical eunuchology: vichian pandemonium and niezschean neuters.

In entirely unrelated news, the X3 teaser was released with an absurd amount of resolution possibilities.

My opinion of the Ratner project has shifted from truculent to rancorous.

A Diverted Eight

Thanksgiving is my new favorite holiday, although perhaps not for the reasons people most traditionally associate with the occasion (genocide and the like).

Last weekend I had a remarkable time in Wisconsin. Thanksgiving, it seems, is a brilliant way to make small talk with strangers. Asking someone about his/her/hir Thanksgiving is a casual and unobtrusive point of entrance into a very private dynamic. Discussing family relations and observances engenders an unusually rapid intimacy; it allows all sorts of precocious friendships to blossom. Store clerks, barflies, coffee baristas, even that random dude at Perkins: everyone was quite responsive and sociable.

Perhaps I should attribute the conviviality more to downtown Madison, but as I get ready to bury myself in the library for finals, I would like to imagine that this genial holiday spirit is occurring all over the map.