Midseason TV Roundup, Part Trois

Mark, only a reactionary ass such as yourself could oppose a thorough critique of Lost. My personality profile is not at issue here, any more than is your inability to achieve orgasm. If you spent more time reading and less time scouring the valley for copies of Animal Crossing, you could plainly see that I never claimed Carrell was better than Gervais, merely playing a more sympathetic character. Furthermore, only a paranoid schizophrenic would ever contend that Earl and AD shared numerous thematic elements - my usage of the term 'blueprint' denoted the stylistic similarities between the shows. And I trust your sycophantic worship of the NPH will not forever blind you to how insipid and sterile How I Met Your Mother truly is.

Ahem. Now on to more important matters...

The O.C.: Can we recount what has happened this season, what plot-arcs the writers found interesting enough to commit to paper, let alone film? A diabolical (and pedophiliac) dean with no motivation but to spend his every waking hour trying to destroy the lives of Marisa and Ryan. After getting kicked out of Harbor, Ryan threatens to work on a traveling, seafaring boat. A scheming Seven of Nine attempts to con Kristen, than Julie, out of their non-existent wealth. Marisa befriends a surfer while sabotaging her own relationship all because they have 'stuff in common' and 'he gets her' on account of his family troubles (um Marisa, hello? paging Ryan, the king of familial trauma: remember when his mom abandoned him and his brother tried to rape you?)

I probably should have given up on the OC ages ago, but they keep managing to fit in enough ridiculously magical/charming moments (aka. the Spiderman kiss) to keep me hooked. The show has long since cast aside the surprising complexities of its 'Rebel Without a Cause' origins, in favor of lazy, manichean storytelling. The show's first, and most damaging, miscalculation was marginalizing the ever-hateable, but always compelling Luke in favor of the tedious trainwreck that was Oliver Trask. Having Zack mysteriously abscond himself has done the show no favors (although Jimmy and Caleb suffered worse fates, and I am waiting for Johnny and Taylor to abruptly fly off to live with out-of-state relatives). The college subplot is interesting as it finally grounds the characters back to their high school and it will be interesting to see how the show survives the immense challenge of shifting into the post-high school years (does anyone actually believe that any of the characters will be moving to Rhode Island? The RI does not have the same ring).