The X factor...

I can’t say that I know for sure what separates great, good or mediocre movie. Or how a particular movie could have been better.

Sometimes it seems pretty obvious. Movies like Poseidon, for instance, would be easily improved by simply not existing. Others movies – like Shaun of the Dead, the Big Lebowski and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – are simply perfect and cannot be improved.

But mostly it’s more complicated than that. Case in point: X-men: The Last Stand.

It isn’t necessarily a bad movie. In fact, there is definite awesomeness in there.

Yet, for some reason, it isn’t very good. Consider:

There are bizarre continuity errors. For instance, Magneto moves the Golden Gate bridge to Alcatraz island during the day, with an ambiguous establishing shot that could mean sunrise or sunset. Then the final conflict occurs at night. Sure, this is likely a matter of a scene being cut out to keep the movie’s length at that 1:30-1:45 sweet spot. But I still think it shows a certain laziness in how the film is put together overall. Another example is when Wolverine is visiting Professor X’s grave and having that “I won’t let you down” moment. A bee lands on his jacket and crawls around he entire scene. What the hell?

The love triangle… no. Not Jean Grey, Wolverine and Cyclops. That was resolved. Right? I mean the love triangle between Rogue, Iceman and Shadowcat (who is, sorry Logan, awesome… wait… does saying that make me a pedophile?) It was introduced and then never resolved. Yes, there was that final scene where the now “cured” Rogue tells Iceman she’s ready to have sex with him (or something… I don’t know, I got bored). But that isn’t actually a conclusion to a plotline. At least, not at the school or narrative I’ve attended.

So Wolverine’s healing power protects him from an unstable and seemingly all-powerful villain. Riggghhhhhhttttt.

And that all powerful villain. Could she be any more boring? I don’t think so. Also… she couldn’t be more of a rip-off of the Dark Willow from season six of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I know that my geek quotient just went off the charts with that comment. And there’s even a chicken and the egg thing (as Dark Willow is arguably inspired by Dark Phoenix)… but the veiny face thing really puts the point home.

I hate comic book “retcon.” And this movie is ripe with it. Besides the obvious first two scenes… it almost feels like Jean Grey’s character is completely rewritten for this movie. I know that’s a comic book thing to do… but it really screws up a movie trilogy.

I hate how the three bad mutants (one of whom is apparently Psylocke) are introduced and then evaporated.

The movie says that the “cure” and the company responsible seem dark and foreboding. But it doesn’t ever show that. Seems like a perfectly viable pharmaceutical to me.

Cyclops dies… and no one cares. Or remembers for more than 10 minutes.

Magneto loses his power (with much melodrama) and then regains them. Xavier dies… and then un-dies. (Notice how that is also a word for underwear.)

Overall… this movie just made me realize that – odd as it may sound – Over The Hedge was easily the best movie I’ve seen this year.

Seriously. Go see it.