LOGANMIX2010: Indestructible (The Synthetic Prince Version)

Spoiler alert: my list of the best albums of the year is going to be filled with boring ambient records you don't care about.

In the meantime, to celebrate the burning of the Año Viejo, I am going to let my alter-ego take over to provide some of my favorite electronic and disco dancefloor tracks of the year. Most of these songs are one-offs from bands that may or not ever make an album, let alone anything else, in the year 2011. All that matters is that it gets you to shake ya tailfeather in the here and now.

A freeze-frame of your eye in the strobelight:

LOGANMIX2010: Indestructible (The Synthetic Prince Version)



1. Indestructible - Robyn [Body Talk]
2. Rocket (Richard X One Zero Remix) - Goldfrapp [Rocket Single]
3. On Board - Holy Ghost! [Friendly Fires vs. Holy Ghost! EP]
4. Cocaine Blues (Mama's Gonna Chop You Out Vinyl Edit By Ewan Pearson) - Escort [Cocaine Blues Single]
5. Coma Cat - Tensnake [Coma Cat Single]
6. Shine A Light (B-Xentric Remix) - The C90s [Shine A Light Single]
7. All Night - Voltage [All Night Single]
8. Four Four Letter - The Glass [Four Four Letter Single]
9. Crave You (Graz Remix) - Flight Facilities (feat. Giselle) [Crave You Single]
10. Reckless With Your Love (Permanent Vacation Remix) - Azari & III [Reckless With Your Remix Single 02]
11. Baptism (Rory Philips Remix) - Crystal Castles [Baptism EP]
12. What You Know (Mustang Remix) - Two Door Cinema Club [Kitsuné Maison Compilation 10]
13. Thinking Of You - Tesla Boy [Modern Thrills]

Tomorrow: the hang-over edition.

Happy New Years everybody!

Public Service Announcement #5

The Green Hornet is pretty good. More consistently entertaining than Pineapple Express, but not as funny as Superbad. Un/surprisingly, Gondry whips up some pretty wicked fight sequences.

5000:1 odds it is better than Green Lantern.

A message from your humble hideousylwrinkled.

"A half-read book is a half-finished love affair."

By about 2016, I will probably have found enough time to both read and organize a list of the best books of 2010. In the meantime though, I thought I would offer up the best book I have read this year (regardless of publishing date) in case anyone was looking for last minute reading recommendations for the holiday season.

I have never attempted nor do I plan on attempting to be a fiction writer. I am so obsessively solipsistic I would probably only be able to produce one of those thinly veiled memoirs that funds self-publishing presses.

I suppose this is the principle reason I am drawn to authors of seemingly boundless imagination: Calvino and Pynchon, to name two.

I was often reminded of both while reading David Mitchell's Cloud Atlas, which - I admit - is a dangerous comparison to make as it sets up some unreasonable expectations. While Mitchell isn't as impulsively profound as Pynchon (Cloud Atlas's central metaphor is a bit unidimensional) or formally adventurous as Calvino (Mitchell strikes me as more concerned with character than experimentation), he is just as much of a stylistic chameleon. And perhaps most important of all: just as funny.

I don't want to talk too much about this book because one of its greatest pleasures is its unpredictability. I will just say that I haven't been this excited about an author in quite some time.

And maybe by 2016, I will discover that The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet was the best book of 2010 to boot.

My collection of ironic kids jokes (so far)

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
That’s my cheese you son-of-a-bitch!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Pumpkin
Pumpkin who?
Pumpkin get out of my way, I’ve got to fart!
(My nephew actually made up this joke.)

Why is three afraid of four?
Because four five six!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Don't cry. It's only a joke! Why do you always take everything so seriously always. I swear to God. You know, like, if you’re Dad made your joke you’d just laugh. But with me, it’s like the end of the world or something. Or you’ll look at me like I’m saying the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard. I’ve got news for you. Your jokes aren’t always funny either. Sometimes you make me feel like I’m wasting my time even trying.

Fourlokoclaus is coming to town.

When freedom is outlawed, only outlaws will be free.

With his pistols out, he's one tough Kong.

Donkey Kong Country Returns
Donkey Kong Country Returns is pretty good.

It doesn't quite obtain DKC2 levels of perfection, but it is charming in its own right and every level sports an interesting twist in platforming mechanics that is sure to draw a smile to your face.

Until you die that is. And you will die a lot. Not that the game itself is hard, but you also have to fend off the Wiimote which will attempt to sabotage your execution every step of the way.

I understand that this is a Wii game so some terrible gimmick had to be stitched on, but was it really necessary to have the "blow out a candle" and the "roll off the side of a cliff and die" button combination involve the same stupid shake of the controller. Worse still: the horizontal Wiimote set-up might be worse ergonomically than the original NES controller. I felt like I was getting carpal tunnel syndrome every time I had to play a barrel rocket level.

The dynamic nature of the level design compounds the frustration because it prevents you from actually anticipating what you have to do next. By the time you finally tame the Wiimote long enough to adroitly maneuver though a particularly harrowing set-piece, you will likely die again in the process of discovering whether you need to immediately jump on the next platform or pause for two beats. The game does not reward quick reflexes but instead zen-like patience to master levels through trial-and-error.

And if you will allow me an unimaginable level of dorkdom: Donkey Kong Country 2 has one of the best soundtracks in video game history. A YouTube containing just the soundtrack to the Bramble Blast level has over 760,000 hits. Surely David Wise didn't have any pressing matters that precluded him from composing for this franchise reboot. Kenji Yamamoto wasn't a bad idea - his work on the Metroid Prime series is astounding - but his lackluster arrangements [one caveat: Factory Friction is the best Mega Man theme from a non-Mega Man game] for DKCR just underscores (ahee-hee) the imperfections that prevent Returns from being another Donkey Kong Kountry Klassic.

Grade: B

The Decennial Blogcensus

PLEASE ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:

1. What are you thoughts on...

a) the Obama-GOP tax cut deal,

b) Kanye West's My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy,

c) the movie adaptation of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.

"It's not a metaphor!"

So I guess my pitch for an Apatow helmed movie featuring Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen just shooting the shit in a basement is never going to come to fruition. Luckily, Michael Winterbottom just dropped the next best thing:

Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon trading impressions while touring restaurants in Northern England for three hours.

It's utterly sublime.

Dreams of Being Eaten Alive

God of War 3
When playing a game as corrosively idiotic as God of War 3, one would at least hope for a modicum of awesomeness. Sadly, the third and - supposedly - final chapter in the God of War series offers very little in the way of such pleasures.

The game starts off promisingly enough with Kratos scaling Mount Olympus on the back of a Titan ready to wage outright war on the gods of Olympus. So far so good. Surely, a nonstop cavalcade of thrilling set-pieces awaits. Instead, Kratos is thrown down to Hades (again) only to lose all of his powers (again) and is forced through a tedious gauntlet of mindless skirmishes (again) and moronic puzzles (again) to acquire skills he will never use (again). The only notable sequence is when the game bizarrely decides to become a cross-promotional tie in for The Cube 13 years too late.

This Sisyphaen struggle through lazy game design seems to have taken its toil on our bro-tagonist. Kratos spends half the game foaming at the mouth yelling "Zeeeuuuuuuussss!" with the unbridled rage of a hormonal 13 year-old who was just told he wasn't going to make the JV squad. All of the grotesqueries of the deicidal cutscenes would be forgivable if the game ended as a bleak meditation on the nihilistic algebra of revenge. Instead it pulls its punches and metamorphoses into an unearned morality play on the audacity of hope -- or something. I honestly couldn't be bothered to care during the interminable endgame.

It seems to me that the real lesson of the series is that the universe and gamers would have been better off if Kratos had successfully killed himself after the first game.

Grade: C-

Wrinkled Qatar Factbook

In case you're interested in attending the 2022 World Cup which will not be held in the United States.

· Population- Qatar: 840,000 according to CIA, 1.3M according to Qatar (South Dakota:812,000, Idaho:1.5M)
(about 400,000 people went to South Africa for the 2010 world cup.)

· GDP per capita- Qatar: $121,000 (U.S. $46,000)

· Qatari Prime Minister, in November 2010 "Elections will be held some day."

· Average high temp. in July: 115

· Regarding alcohol in Qatar:

To obtain an alcohol permit you need a letter from your employer written in English. (An Arabic letter accompanied by a stamped translation is usually also acceptable). This must be signed and stamped by an authorised person in your company and be addressed to the Qatar Distribution Company. It must state the applicant's position, basic salary (must be above 4000 riyals or 1100 dollars, and the letter must use the word basic), state if an accommodation entitlement is received or if the applicant receives free accommodation and whether the applicant is married. It does not usually have to state that the applicant has permission for an alcohol permit.

The applicant must also provide their ID/passport and residence permit (photocopies are acceptable) and a 1000 riyal (275 dollar) returnable deposit. You also have to complete an application form, and state your religion.

There are strict laws concerning alcohol. After alcohol has been bought it should be concealed from view in the car. The alcohol should be transported home directly. Alcohol may only be drunk at home or in a licenced bar or restaurant. You may not sell or give away alcohol, or drink while inebriated. It is illegal to be drunk in a public place.
- qatarvisitor.com

To be fair, you are allowed to drink in hotel bars as long as you can prove you're a foreigner.

· Nice to be a princess in Qatar:

Hamda Fahad Jassem Ali Al-Thani, a member of the ruling family, was reportedly confined to her home in Doha because her father disapproved of her choice of husband, and ill-treated. She was allegedly abducted from Egypt and forcibly returned to Qatar by Qatari security officials in November 2002. She was detained in secret in Doha for five months until April 2003, and then transferred to the offices of the state's Special Security Directorate in Doha, where she was detained until November 2003. She was then handed over to her family, who confined her against her will.

· Watch your mouth:

At least 11 foreign nationals [in 2009] were convicted of blasphemy, three of whom received maximum seven year prison sentences for using words considered insulting to Islam. They included a Syrian man convicted of "insulting Islam in a fit of rage" for uttering a blasphemous word when the credit on his mobile phone ran out during a conversation.

· Watch your back:

At least 18 people[in 2009], mostly foreign nationals, were sentenced to flogging of between 40 and 100 lashes for offences related to "illicit sexual relations" or alcohol consumption.
- amnestyusa.org (last 3)

Bitter? Maybe I am.