It grows as trees, not on trees — right?

Nintendo has lost me. Sort of.

A better way to put it: I'm down to three franchises. Mario. Zelda. And Animal Crossing.

I dropped Metroid after the original Prime bored me to death. Would never play another first-person Metroid (although I'd still give a 2D Metroid a shot).

I've realized I hate Smash Bros. I actually knew that after the Gamecube version, but decided to get the Wii version anyway. You know, the Wii version in which anything I did like in the older games was taken out and replaced with a 10 hour torture porn mode... I mean Adventure mode.

And really, what else does Nintendo have to offer?

Not much.

The worst news. I'd rather I bought a PS3 over the Wii, but my money tree still isn't growing like Logan and the Goldsmiths told me it would. I was supposed to plant a hundred in the backyard and water it with Cristal under a full moon, right?