Why I hate Fantasy Basketball
It's true. Hideously Wrinkled is breaking the story. I fucking hate Fantasy Basketball.
It keeps me up at night. I panic. The questions fill my head. Is Yao worth trading? Should I drop Jones, or Foster? What's more valuable, a steady rebounder, or a hot but irregular 3-point machine? Is someone talking smack on the message board? Are there any free agents to pick up? I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
As the season progresses, my productivity level steadily drops. How can I write an article when I'm checking the waiver wire every ten fucking minutes? How can I read the paper when live scoring keeps ticking?
Perhaps worse, I've developed emotional attachments to some players. I had to drop Nate Robinson a couple of weeks ago and I almost cried.
And my team goes up against Ben's, uncle Mark's, and cousin Jesse's. If I lose, they get bragging rights. And if I win? I will feel like an asshole for breaking the spirit of a loved one.
I'm too much of a socialist to play fantasy hoops. Or maybe I mean sissy. Either way, I'm taking bids for control of my team. The entry fee was $40, and the winning team gets something like $400. We were good until today, when A.I. ran his mouth and got sent home. Oy.
It keeps me up at night. I panic. The questions fill my head. Is Yao worth trading? Should I drop Jones, or Foster? What's more valuable, a steady rebounder, or a hot but irregular 3-point machine? Is someone talking smack on the message board? Are there any free agents to pick up? I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
As the season progresses, my productivity level steadily drops. How can I write an article when I'm checking the waiver wire every ten fucking minutes? How can I read the paper when live scoring keeps ticking?
Perhaps worse, I've developed emotional attachments to some players. I had to drop Nate Robinson a couple of weeks ago and I almost cried.
And my team goes up against Ben's, uncle Mark's, and cousin Jesse's. If I lose, they get bragging rights. And if I win? I will feel like an asshole for breaking the spirit of a loved one.
I'm too much of a socialist to play fantasy hoops. Or maybe I mean sissy. Either way, I'm taking bids for control of my team. The entry fee was $40, and the winning team gets something like $400. We were good until today, when A.I. ran his mouth and got sent home. Oy.
posted by S Goldsmith at 12/08/2006 06:51:00 PM
43 Comments:
Sammy, you're too soft. Sell it to the highest bidder and get back to writing. Love your mother
who told her how to post comments?
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
5 bucks
Sam are you really going to let Ben beat you in a fantasy basketball league?
Also, I just want to take this opportunity to brag about my Fantasy Football team. 7 wins in a row and heading to a number 2 seed in the playoffs. TREVOR IS GOING DOWN.
Yeah right. "Team Goldsmith" is still 1-5.
Ha! Even Kiefer is 6-8 and he didn't even log in for the draft or anything else for that matter. He does have Ladainian Tomlinson though...
Who do you have on your team?
A. Iverson (tho I just offered to trade him for Vince Carter)
D. Jones
R. Felton
C. Bell
J. Tinsley
M. Miller
C. Villanueva
B. Diaw
D. Granger
R. Wallace
A. Mourning
K. Thomas
My biggest problem is that I don't have Carlos Boozer.
sammy, your philosophy seems to be pretty reactionary, at this point you look like you've fucked yourself a little bit since carter 'sheed and diaw are the really solid guys you've got, the rest seem like waiver wire pickups.
if you play again next year, just chill out, a little, don't be so hasty. including the trade of AI. all reports are that ai is gonna be traded today, at which point his value will probably be higher than with philly. (at boston, indiana or golden state.)
how many teams are in your league?
I'm with Brad... I mean Mourning is adding much more suckage to your team that keeping "The Answer" would have. He's a beck up center on a team that doesn't believe in the regular season.
Yeah, how many teams are in your fantasy basketball league... and is this a Goldsmith only affair? I'm sure I could totally own your league with my uncanny pick of role players who post big digits.
miller's solid too i overlooked him
Mark!
(i could totally own you.)
Why would anyone trade Ming for Mourning? I mean I'm not great at this, but I'm not an idiot. I got Sheed and Tinsley. Sheed on his own is quite close to Yao's fantasy numbers, and Tinsley has had three 50-point games in a row.
I would say my only non-solid guys are Jones, Bell, Mourning and Thomas. But you guys are probably right, since I'm sure you spend time looking at my players in the context of fantasy. Especially in the context of my specific league. (Diaw, by the way, is among the lesser solid. You're sooo last year).
There are 16 teams. Jews only. Maybe we will invite Julie to play next season.
with 16 teams yours doesn't look as bad.
diaw will get better. he's just been fat, and working into shape. (see if Pau Gasol is owned by the way)
and noone would trade ming for mourning, where did that come from? are you saying you traded yao for sheed and tinsley?
and it's more like tinsley has scored 50 in his last three games. but tinsley's solid in a 16 team league. what do you guys start?
PG
SG
G
SF
PF
F
C
C
Util
Util
?
I'm assuming your specific league uses the same categories as most leagues and since you said you're 1-5 you do a weekly head to head matchup.
I would also assume you consistently do well in the ft% and 3pt category but aren't consistent anywhere else.
for credentials sake
Brad's Fantasy Team
D. Williams
R. Bell
D. Wade
A. Kirilenko
D. Howard
E. Okafor
C. Boozer
B. Miller
J. Jack
J. Tinsley
K. Martin
P. Gasol
R. Gomes
there are only 12 teams though
sorry i'm an ass
no, ben is 1-5. get the facts straight. you're fired.
My problem is that I've had Pau taking up the only spot on my bench since draft day. I've been at least a man down all season, but that's all about to change baby!! Pau might play tomorrow.
Here's team Goldsmith in order of awesomeness:
Kobe Bryant
Andre Iguodala
Mo Williams
Monta Ellis (Free Agent)
Tyronn Lue
Luke Walton (Free Agent)
David Lee (Free Agent)
Tyson Chandler
Jameer Nelson
Stephon Marbury
Chris Kaman
Pau Gasol
If Jameer finds his game, Stephon stops sucking, Kaman gets his head out of his ass, and Pau's foot stops being broken, Team Goldsmith could still take this thing.
I'd think "Starbury" could fill a fantasy stat sheet. I mean, isn't that the beauty of fantasy... a ball hog on a crap team can make you look like a hot fantasy GM... or something like that.
Also, why is this only open to Jews? Are you afraid that Brad and I will conquer and kill (in Fantasy Basketball) like Christians did in the olden days? Or like they do in Mel Gibson movies?
That's what I thought too, and why I made the gut wrenchingly bad decision of making him my second round draft pick *stabs self in eye with pen*. He and Kaman are Team Goldsmith's weakest links by far.
Monta and David Lee on the other hand are the sleeper picks of the century, and Mo Williams is the apple of my eye.
PS, there are gentiles in the league. Sam was pulling your leg.
Although if I had my way they'd all be crucified.
Luke Walton (Free Agent)
That shit is bad mojo. I hope you lose every game until you drop him.
Sammy, if it makes you feel better to beat someone, I'll play next year. You're guaranteed not to come in last - you guys are speaking an entirely foreign language.
What's wrong with Walton? He puts up bug numbers when Kobe hurts himself.
That's big numbers.
And he actually scored more fantasy points for Team Goldsmith last night than Kobe.
i'm with logan
luke walton looks like he should be wearing a pink (or lavender) polo shirt with the collar turned up and a white visor tilted a little to the side.
it's like having tom brady or derek jeter on your fantasy team, only with less value
luke walton looks like he should be wearing a pink (or lavender) polo shirt with the collar turned up and a white visor tilted a little to the side.
Whoa, Luke Walton is Kanye West?
*o_0*
No wonder Ben has him on his team.
I think he looks way more like a construction worker than Kanye. And look, if I were gunna drop anyone for a character flaw it'd be Kobe, and if I wanted to drop someone who looks like a douche it'd be Kaman.
http://www.nba.com/media/act_luke_walton.jpg
http://www.nba.com/playerfile/chris_kaman/index.html
Ben, I find your Fantasy ethics appalling.
Chris Kaman = Olav II Haraldson
Luke Walton = Hermann Wilhelm Göring
There, I said it.
Kaman hates Pagans and Walton hates Jews? And you're saying they SHOULDN'T be on my team??
some of us just have an unexplainable hatred for luke walton.
(he would wear that shit like a frat boy, not kanye. but good point.)
we could start a hideously wrinkled fantasy basketball league, that is, if ya'll can handle two leagues at once
I actually really like that idea.
Me too... how do we get that started?
i'll set one up on yahoo right now
http://basketball.fantasysports.yahoo.com/nba/register/joinprivateleague_league_select?.scrumb=
League ID: 238731
password: wrinkled
dammit. . .
just click join a league
then join custom league
I signed up... let's get these other boys and girls going.
Done
Must warn you all... my knowledge of Fantasy Basketball is next to none.
Do I get fantasy points everytime Jay-Z buys a basketball team?
sammy? someone give sammy a call, cuz the draft has to be done by tomorrow. or maybe i can switch it to an offline draft and get some more time, i'll check it out
know of anyone else? we need an even number.
i bet ian would at least sign up
julie?
janet?
mystery blog readers? just hurry up! :)
Are we just going to have to go with a four team league?
kinda looks like it.
i'll make the roster size bigger so it won't be all all-stars
we'll have to plan this better next time around
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